If you're planning to get legally married, there is one thing you mustn't forget – the marriage license. A marriage license is sort of a permit, kind of like a driver's license. It says that you are legally allowed to marry, although obtaining one does not mean that you ARE married. My fiancé' and I obtained our Marriage License on March 23, 2010. This was a very joyful event for us. I believe this is the moment that makes it real for most couples. Up to this point the entire engagement and plans of the big days has left us in a somewhat surreal state. We walked up the clerk in the Probate Court of Cobb County, filled out a form for the license and paid $51.00 cash and that was it. I was thinking to myself "how easy was that...wow!" It was so easy I kind of started to wonder if there should be more required for such a huge commitment. It took us all of 10 minutes to obtain this license. The rules and requirements for obtaining a marriage license vary from state to state and from country to country but what my fiancé and did to obtain the Marriage License was a piece of cake. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not al all saying that we wanted to have a difficult time obtaining this Marriage License but I couldn’t help but to think about all the people that have obtained these permits under false pretenses. In a perfect world everyone would do everything in their power to ensure their partner is not already currently involved with another or indeed are who they say they are but looking at different occurrences we can see that this isn't always true. How many times have you heard about the bigamist who married again or the person that changed their name and was living a double life without their spouse knowing it? I am aware that a marriage does not have as many social ramifications as do a person that is driving on the road but ultimately a marriage gone sour can impact more that the two people that have entered into that covenant.
So allow me to entertain you with an idea. What if people were required to take a test similar to a driving test? For example, to obtain a drivers license in the United States one must be able to operate a vehicle safely and properly, understand all traffic signs and know the rules of the road. In addition, to get a driver's license, you must pass a written test, a sign test, a vision test, and a road test. There are also special regulations for people younger that 18 called graduated licensing regulations. So what if we were required to complete a course before marriage titled “What Every Married Person Must Know”. This could be a class that equates to pre-marital counseling. This would be a very helpful tool. Getting married without some sort of pre-marital prep is like entering a business or any other important venture without preparing. Some couples do not realize that that good, skill-based pre-marriage counseling or classes can reduce the risk of divorce by up to thirty percent and lead to a significantly happier marriage, according to marriage research. It can also reduce the stress of the pre-wedding period. Just a little effort now can make your odds a whole lot better over the long run. You want to do everything you can to ensure that your dreams of a great marriage and a great life are realized. (http://www.wedalert.com/content/articles/premarital_counseling.asp, pg.1, 2010) Like anything in life to be successful Marriage takes much planning, endurance, dedication, discipline and time. Having a successful marriage requires more than planning the wedding day.
In conclusion, the idea of adding “rules of the road” tests before a marriage certificate is not a perfect one but before marriage is entered detailed planning and preparation should take place. If there were more requirements for marriage maybe this would this cause more couples to think thoroughly about their unions as well as make detailed preparations not only for the wedding day for the marriage as a whole. During an engagement it should be the goal of the couple to grasp a better understanding of who their partners are. It’s true this cannot be done over night but is but maybe that is a good thing. Before a couple takes a walk down the isle they should study the true definition of Marriage study the “rules of the road, take a vision test, and understand all traffic signs.” Before taking on the commitment of marriage we should willingly take the journey to discover what is the safest and most effective means to our destinations. Although challenges will arise it is up to us to ensure we meet the requirements to safely transport the hearts of our significant others.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
To Post or Not to Post
It's no secret that we live in a connected society. With the new found convenience of Facebook, MySpace and Twitter we can stay in touch with those we haven’t connected with in years. These days it is difficult to find someone that doesn't belong to a social network. Social Networks have their advantages and disadvantages. Recently I have had the opportunity to re-connect with friends and family that I have not spoken to in years. In addition, I have been able to share some of my writings with many people and receive feedback that helps get me closer to my goals with the passing of each day.
The advantages of social networks are endless but with the good come the bad. With the increasing popularity of social networking sites a new level of job-related risk factors are on the table. There is now a fine line between being sociable and recognizing the chance that your employer or potential employer can access your personal thoughts, and moments of wild frivolity. As time passes and the comfort level of posting events from our lives increases be it at work or at home, we should ask our selves the question “When is enough enough?” It is wonderful to be able to express our opinions and share information with those in our networks but we must be very careful in doing so. If we do not exercise caution before posting certain events online the very medium that we use to vent and express ourselves can be the very thing that harms our reputation and kills our career.
Being cautious means watching what types of images we post as well as watching what types of information we post about our co-workers, employees/companies. More than ever before we must know when to have that line dividing our lives. We have to be conscience of what we post know where to divide our personal and professional lives.
Moreover, we should begin asking ourselves "If a past, present or potential employer were to see this information would it be harmful to my career?" Potential employers looking to fill positions frequently do internet searches to find out what type of person they have on their hands. By looking at people’s internet profiles they feel as though that are getting a candid view of a candidate without having to see through the smokescreen of a well polished interview. In addition, there are company policies that prohibit employees from making certain comments or discussing work related information on public sites. The information that we post can remain online and be referenced in the future whether we remove it or not.
Social Media can be a smoking gun. It is up to us to decide if we want it to work in our favor or work against us. There are great advantages living in a World of social media if we don’t allow Social Networks to be a pitfall. We must continually exercise caution. The virtual space may seem imaginary because we cannot stand in it or experience it on a tangible level, but it is very real and can lead us to our demise if we allow it. Everything is not meant to be shared with others.
The advantages of social networks are endless but with the good come the bad. With the increasing popularity of social networking sites a new level of job-related risk factors are on the table. There is now a fine line between being sociable and recognizing the chance that your employer or potential employer can access your personal thoughts, and moments of wild frivolity. As time passes and the comfort level of posting events from our lives increases be it at work or at home, we should ask our selves the question “When is enough enough?” It is wonderful to be able to express our opinions and share information with those in our networks but we must be very careful in doing so. If we do not exercise caution before posting certain events online the very medium that we use to vent and express ourselves can be the very thing that harms our reputation and kills our career.
Being cautious means watching what types of images we post as well as watching what types of information we post about our co-workers, employees/companies. More than ever before we must know when to have that line dividing our lives. We have to be conscience of what we post know where to divide our personal and professional lives.
Moreover, we should begin asking ourselves "If a past, present or potential employer were to see this information would it be harmful to my career?" Potential employers looking to fill positions frequently do internet searches to find out what type of person they have on their hands. By looking at people’s internet profiles they feel as though that are getting a candid view of a candidate without having to see through the smokescreen of a well polished interview. In addition, there are company policies that prohibit employees from making certain comments or discussing work related information on public sites. The information that we post can remain online and be referenced in the future whether we remove it or not.
Social Media can be a smoking gun. It is up to us to decide if we want it to work in our favor or work against us. There are great advantages living in a World of social media if we don’t allow Social Networks to be a pitfall. We must continually exercise caution. The virtual space may seem imaginary because we cannot stand in it or experience it on a tangible level, but it is very real and can lead us to our demise if we allow it. Everything is not meant to be shared with others.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Ups and Downs of Wedding Planning
A few weeks ago me and my bethrothed planned our Engagement Party. Much to our dismay we had alot more people RSVP attending then actually showed up. At the time I was very upset. Out of emotion I ended up writing a Blog on my Wedding Website about how I felt in that moment. The Blog expressed my fustration as well as my disappointment. I figured if I posted this entry on my wedding website my family, friends and aquantainces that didn't bother to show could see how angry I was and how thier behavoir affected me. At the time I was very hurt because I felt as though people's failure to RSVP was a reflection on how they felt about me. I have always believe that actions speak louder than words and the actions of the people that didn't show hurt me. I believe I felt this way because I realize how important it is to inform the host of you intentions if you plan on attending or not.
Moreover, although I have moved on from that time I did think I it was important to write about my reaction to people's failure to RSVP. I didn't realize how harsh my reaction was until I was told by 3 people very close to me. I have been told a thousand times how stressful wedding planning could be but I didn't actually feel strss until that moment hit me. Here is the letter I wrote below: (Please be advised that I realize the harness of this letter but in my defense I turned into Bridezilla at the time.....lol)
Repondez, S’il Vouz Plait
In today’s society there seems to be a constant stream of inconsideration. I am normally a very optimistic person. I am the type that sees the good in life first. With that being said you are probably wondering what caused me to write such a subject. Well allow me to tall you about a recent experience that I have encounter far too many times for me not to address it.
On December 19th, 2009 I had the opportunity to celebrate my engagement to my fiancé Derrick with an engagement party. The event was wonderful and intimate. I felt very thankful that some of my closest friends and acquaintances found the time to celebrate such a wonderful milestone with my fiancé and me. Although it was a wonderful and blessed event I found my spirit a bit troubled by the RSVP factor. Originally when I invited people to this event I felt as though these were some of the people that were closest to me. Over 35 said they would be in attendance and only 13 people showed up. I guess this is what people mean when they say you will find out who your real friends are when you plan a wedding. Now don’t get me wrong I am sure that things come up and people have legitimate reasons for not attending but what happened to common courtesy.
Today it seems as society is growing numb to the feelings of others. It was not that I didn’t have a lovely time. Indeed I did. Nothing was taken away by there being a smaller number but there was time, effort and, money involved planning for people who failed to show up. These are resources that we cannot get back and most people don’t even take the time to think about how their actions affect people.
It is about more than an RSVP. It is about considering others. I guess people don’t think about the big picture. This is not some high school party but an engagement party that. What stick out in my mind the most is that you think enough of people to invite them to a special event but they don’t think enough of you to even say that they will not be able to attend a party. A simple text message, email or phone call to inform the host of your intentions can go a very long way.
After this event I am seriously considering re-vamping the guest list. There are some invitations that I planned on sending out that I know I will not as a result of this. Why even waste a stamp on people that don’t even think enough of you to inform you of their intentions. The thing that hurts the most is when you invite family to these events and they don’t even acknowledge you or apologize for the wasted time, money and hurt feelings. I guess the ones closest to you will hurt you as well. I guess as though it would seem impolite if I were to retract some wedding invitations but it is also very impolite to respond yes to someone and then leave them hanging.
I truly wish that some people would take a course on etiquette. Some might say why you are so upset when you had a nice party? It is simply the principle. This has happened too many times and has caused me to re-evaluate those whom I communicate with on a frequent basis. “RSVP” clearly means to reply one way or the other. It does not mean reply if you feel like it or only if you are coming.
Furthermore, one should Respond in the manner that the host suggests. If a phone number is given, you may call. If a postal address is on the invitation, your reply is expected in writing. If an e-mail address is listed, head for your computer. Once you have replied, do what you said you would do. If you said you would be there, go. If you responded that you couldn’t attend, don’t decide at the last minute to go. If something comes up to prevent you from attending, let your host know as soon as possible. If you can’t do so before the event, contact the host first thing the next day to explain your absence and to apologize.
The whole purpose for “RSVP” is so the host can plan the food and venue for the right number of guests. When people fail to reply to invitations, those planning the event are at a distinct disadvantage. There is always the risk that there will be too much or not enough food. In addition, there could be money and time that are wasted planning for the inappropriate number of guests. The rule for responding to any invitation is to reply immediately, say what you will do and do what you say. Next time you may be the one planning an event and you won’t want to be left in the dark, waiting to see who shows up.
Looking back at this I do see why my loved ones said it would be in my best interest to take the blog down. I was told by my cousin that the letter "cut like salt". Even though I was hurt at the time I shouldn't have lashed out to hurt others as a result. When I put this up the first time I did so in anger. I have learned alot from my past and should know by now when we act in anger there is not a lot of good that can come from that. What I should have done is talk to the the ones closest to me and let them know exactly how I felt about them not showing up and how thier actions affected my finace and I. As far as the people I wern't as close to that didn't bother to show up, I should have went with my gut instinct and never invited them in the first place...lol. But seriously even though this is a very big day I have to move forward and forgive people for what has happened. I am not going to continue to be bitter and angry. To do so would only be hurting myself. I will not allow anger to control me. I am looking to the positive things. Only 65 days to go until I am Mrs. Derrick Douglass. I am going to focus on that. Life if good! I am not going to become Bridezilla...lol. I am going to try my best not to sin by allowing anger to control me.
Ephesians 4:26-32
26 And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you."* Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,27 for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil. 28 If you are a thief, stop stealing. Begin using your hands for honest work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you
Moreover, although I have moved on from that time I did think I it was important to write about my reaction to people's failure to RSVP. I didn't realize how harsh my reaction was until I was told by 3 people very close to me. I have been told a thousand times how stressful wedding planning could be but I didn't actually feel strss until that moment hit me. Here is the letter I wrote below: (Please be advised that I realize the harness of this letter but in my defense I turned into Bridezilla at the time.....lol)
Repondez, S’il Vouz Plait
In today’s society there seems to be a constant stream of inconsideration. I am normally a very optimistic person. I am the type that sees the good in life first. With that being said you are probably wondering what caused me to write such a subject. Well allow me to tall you about a recent experience that I have encounter far too many times for me not to address it.
On December 19th, 2009 I had the opportunity to celebrate my engagement to my fiancé Derrick with an engagement party. The event was wonderful and intimate. I felt very thankful that some of my closest friends and acquaintances found the time to celebrate such a wonderful milestone with my fiancé and me. Although it was a wonderful and blessed event I found my spirit a bit troubled by the RSVP factor. Originally when I invited people to this event I felt as though these were some of the people that were closest to me. Over 35 said they would be in attendance and only 13 people showed up. I guess this is what people mean when they say you will find out who your real friends are when you plan a wedding. Now don’t get me wrong I am sure that things come up and people have legitimate reasons for not attending but what happened to common courtesy.
Today it seems as society is growing numb to the feelings of others. It was not that I didn’t have a lovely time. Indeed I did. Nothing was taken away by there being a smaller number but there was time, effort and, money involved planning for people who failed to show up. These are resources that we cannot get back and most people don’t even take the time to think about how their actions affect people.
It is about more than an RSVP. It is about considering others. I guess people don’t think about the big picture. This is not some high school party but an engagement party that. What stick out in my mind the most is that you think enough of people to invite them to a special event but they don’t think enough of you to even say that they will not be able to attend a party. A simple text message, email or phone call to inform the host of your intentions can go a very long way.
After this event I am seriously considering re-vamping the guest list. There are some invitations that I planned on sending out that I know I will not as a result of this. Why even waste a stamp on people that don’t even think enough of you to inform you of their intentions. The thing that hurts the most is when you invite family to these events and they don’t even acknowledge you or apologize for the wasted time, money and hurt feelings. I guess the ones closest to you will hurt you as well. I guess as though it would seem impolite if I were to retract some wedding invitations but it is also very impolite to respond yes to someone and then leave them hanging.
I truly wish that some people would take a course on etiquette. Some might say why you are so upset when you had a nice party? It is simply the principle. This has happened too many times and has caused me to re-evaluate those whom I communicate with on a frequent basis. “RSVP” clearly means to reply one way or the other. It does not mean reply if you feel like it or only if you are coming.
Furthermore, one should Respond in the manner that the host suggests. If a phone number is given, you may call. If a postal address is on the invitation, your reply is expected in writing. If an e-mail address is listed, head for your computer. Once you have replied, do what you said you would do. If you said you would be there, go. If you responded that you couldn’t attend, don’t decide at the last minute to go. If something comes up to prevent you from attending, let your host know as soon as possible. If you can’t do so before the event, contact the host first thing the next day to explain your absence and to apologize.
The whole purpose for “RSVP” is so the host can plan the food and venue for the right number of guests. When people fail to reply to invitations, those planning the event are at a distinct disadvantage. There is always the risk that there will be too much or not enough food. In addition, there could be money and time that are wasted planning for the inappropriate number of guests. The rule for responding to any invitation is to reply immediately, say what you will do and do what you say. Next time you may be the one planning an event and you won’t want to be left in the dark, waiting to see who shows up.
Looking back at this I do see why my loved ones said it would be in my best interest to take the blog down. I was told by my cousin that the letter "cut like salt". Even though I was hurt at the time I shouldn't have lashed out to hurt others as a result. When I put this up the first time I did so in anger. I have learned alot from my past and should know by now when we act in anger there is not a lot of good that can come from that. What I should have done is talk to the the ones closest to me and let them know exactly how I felt about them not showing up and how thier actions affected my finace and I. As far as the people I wern't as close to that didn't bother to show up, I should have went with my gut instinct and never invited them in the first place...lol. But seriously even though this is a very big day I have to move forward and forgive people for what has happened. I am not going to continue to be bitter and angry. To do so would only be hurting myself. I will not allow anger to control me. I am looking to the positive things. Only 65 days to go until I am Mrs. Derrick Douglass. I am going to focus on that. Life if good! I am not going to become Bridezilla...lol. I am going to try my best not to sin by allowing anger to control me.
Ephesians 4:26-32
26 And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you."* Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,27 for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil. 28 If you are a thief, stop stealing. Begin using your hands for honest work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Joys Of life
As the time for my wedding approaches I get more excited with the passing of each moment. This is a major event that can be stressful at times but it is more than worth. As stress tries to overwhelm me at times I do my best to make sure I don’t lose focus on the bigger picture. I don’t want to get so caught up on who failed to RSVP that I ignore what is truly transpiring. Yesterday I started to think of how wonderful it will be to catch up with people that I haven’t seen in years. I feel so honored and blessed that the people whom I love and care for so deeply are going out of their way to support me on this joyous occasion.
I will get a chance to share my love and re-kindle relationships from years ago. I am very happy to have the support of my loved ones. There are a million other things that people could be doing on April 24th, 2010 but my beloved friends and family have chosen to spend this wonderful day with me and my betrothed. Life is good and I am in love. These are truly the moments that make life worth living.
I will get a chance to share my love and re-kindle relationships from years ago. I am very happy to have the support of my loved ones. There are a million other things that people could be doing on April 24th, 2010 but my beloved friends and family have chosen to spend this wonderful day with me and my betrothed. Life is good and I am in love. These are truly the moments that make life worth living.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Planting My Feet
Recently I graduated with my MBA. My time as a graduate student was extremely difficult. Although I did enjoy many experiences throughout my matriculation all of the moving around caused me to feel a bit unsettled. I frequently moved around because it was required if I wanted to progress in my career. I did move to obtain internships as well as my first job after the program was completed.
As I moved around there were times as though I felt I didn't truly have a home. I knew I had worked very hard while in school to purchase a home but I moved around so much that I had barley lived in the home I worked for. So how many times did I move? I will describe the moves and dates.
1) I moved from Lansing Michigan to Atlanta Georgia in June 2005 to start the MBA program in hopes to progress in my career.
2) In June 2006 I moved from Atlanta Georgia to Silver Spring Maryland to work a summer internship at Verizon
3) In September 2006 I stayed in Barcelona Spain for 3 months for a study abroad program to help me gain a competitive edge and help me to be a well rounded individual.
4) In December 2006 I returned to the United States after the Study Abroad program
5) In May 2007 I returned to Maryland for a 2nd Internship with Verizon Communications.
6) In August 2007 I moved back to Georgia. This is when I purchased my new home. I moved back from Silver Spring Maryland to Lithia Springs Georgia then after closing on my new home I moved to Marietta Georgia.
7) In August 2008 I moved from Marietta, Georgia to Ocala Florida for my new position with AT&T.
8) In June 2009 I moved from Ocala Florida back to Marietta, Georgia.
Phew......it gets me tired just thinking about all of the times that I have relocated. 8 moves in fewer than 4 years. It was a lot of work and at times was very exhausting but it was all worth it. Now my life feels that much richer since I have had these wonderful experiences. While I was going through some of these times the experiences weren't always pleasant but they did benefit me in the long run. I am happy that I had a vision and I was able to stay on the track to meeting my goals.
Currently I reside in Marietta, Georgia although I have not yet met all of my goals I am truly happy for my many blessings. The first time in a very long time I feel settled. Things are going well. I feel as though I have a home. My heart lies here. I feel as though I am part of a community. As I go from place to place it feels great to know that I am part of something intimate and exclusive. It might be church, the allergist, or the gym. It feels great when people call me by my name and realize that I am more than just a face in the crowd. They have committed me to memory and they actually care about me as a person. Through this experience of being part of a community I have actually been able to share my dreams and goals with people that are a big part of the goals that I have set previously.
"Where there is no vision, the people perish ...." (Proverbs 29:18a).
As I moved around there were times as though I felt I didn't truly have a home. I knew I had worked very hard while in school to purchase a home but I moved around so much that I had barley lived in the home I worked for. So how many times did I move? I will describe the moves and dates.
1) I moved from Lansing Michigan to Atlanta Georgia in June 2005 to start the MBA program in hopes to progress in my career.
2) In June 2006 I moved from Atlanta Georgia to Silver Spring Maryland to work a summer internship at Verizon
3) In September 2006 I stayed in Barcelona Spain for 3 months for a study abroad program to help me gain a competitive edge and help me to be a well rounded individual.
4) In December 2006 I returned to the United States after the Study Abroad program
5) In May 2007 I returned to Maryland for a 2nd Internship with Verizon Communications.
6) In August 2007 I moved back to Georgia. This is when I purchased my new home. I moved back from Silver Spring Maryland to Lithia Springs Georgia then after closing on my new home I moved to Marietta Georgia.
7) In August 2008 I moved from Marietta, Georgia to Ocala Florida for my new position with AT&T.
8) In June 2009 I moved from Ocala Florida back to Marietta, Georgia.
Phew......it gets me tired just thinking about all of the times that I have relocated. 8 moves in fewer than 4 years. It was a lot of work and at times was very exhausting but it was all worth it. Now my life feels that much richer since I have had these wonderful experiences. While I was going through some of these times the experiences weren't always pleasant but they did benefit me in the long run. I am happy that I had a vision and I was able to stay on the track to meeting my goals.
Currently I reside in Marietta, Georgia although I have not yet met all of my goals I am truly happy for my many blessings. The first time in a very long time I feel settled. Things are going well. I feel as though I have a home. My heart lies here. I feel as though I am part of a community. As I go from place to place it feels great to know that I am part of something intimate and exclusive. It might be church, the allergist, or the gym. It feels great when people call me by my name and realize that I am more than just a face in the crowd. They have committed me to memory and they actually care about me as a person. Through this experience of being part of a community I have actually been able to share my dreams and goals with people that are a big part of the goals that I have set previously.
"Where there is no vision, the people perish ...." (Proverbs 29:18a).
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Act of Forgiving
Have you ever reached out to someone to patch up an old relationship from the past and didn't get the desired outcome? This is something that we all have dealt with one time or another. We might be the person reaching out or the one on the other end. Just recently I decided to reach out to an old friend. It had been several years since we talked and I wanted to take the first step and reach out to her. Although it was very difficult I felt as though it was something that needed to be done for my sake.
After thinking back on how the friendship ended I thought that it would be mutually beneficial for us to talk. After 13 years of friendship I thought we might have something there that was salvageable. I know at times I can be a very stubborn person but this time I felt differently. We fell apart in 2006 and the thought of reaching out to her did not cross my mind until 2009. I had a dream that her mother came to me as an angel. In the dream her mother was sick. She told me how her daughter and I were the same age. She also asked me to reach out to her. In the dream she was dying and this seemed to be her last request. Me being the spiritual person I am took that as a sign. I thought that God wanted me to make the 1st move and reach out to her. After all I felt as though I was evolving to a new place in my life and I needed to bring some closure to some unresolved issues in the past. Here is the letter that I wrote her in hopes of re-kindling a friendship:
Hello Xxxxxxx
I hope you are doing well. I know this comes as a shocker receiving communication from me after all these years. I am going to be honest and say I had no idea I was going to reach out to you. I had a dream last night that caused me to re-evaluate some things in my life. Your mother came to me in my dream. It was like she was an angel of God or something. As I had that dream something spoke to my heart and told me to reach out to you. This is something that I could not ignore.
Life goes by so fast it causes one to say “what happened?” As time goes by you realize life is too short to hold on to something when you don’t even know what it is you’re holding on to. I did reach out to your mother earlier today. I had been thinking about her for months. I am not sure what kept me from calling her before but this time I was not going to let the feeling past again.
I know that it has been an extremely long time since we have talked so I know it might be difficult to even begin to know how to respond. I do understand and respect that. No matter what happens I am glad that I decided to contact you. I know that we cannot have the same type of friendship but maybe that is a good thing since we both have grown. I was wondering if we were to talk again if it would be like we don’t know each other anymore. I am not sure what will happen but I am more than willing to give it a try if you are.
Again, I know so many things have changed and we have passed many milestones but that is why I reached out to you. I am very happy I reached out to you. I really do hope you write back. I couldn’t quite remember why we weren’t talking but as I looked in my sent messages in yahoo I remembered. I was going to say that there was no need for us to say sorry or apologize but then I saw what I put in the email I sent you. Please accept my apology. I was upset and at the time about many different things (all which didn’t include you) and I took it out on the wrong people. I want to apologize for that and for any other time I might have done something to you that was on the up and up.
I think some relationships can evolve, revolve and stand the test of time. We had some great times in the past for sure. I know we cannot live in the past but I would like to extend my hand, move forward and try to a new friendship with you. Things have changed and I am a better person now. The last I knew you were a good person with a good heart. I know we had our differences but that shouldn’t matter. I don’t want to allow stubbornness to stand in the way of something wonderful. I do miss you and hope to hear from you.
I know it might be a long shot and we haven’t talked in many years but I would like to invite you to my wedding. I am getting married in April and it would be an honor to have you present. I have passed many milestones in my life and I would like you to be a part of this one. You still hold a special place in my heart and I don’t want to ignore that part of me. I remember us dreaming about all the things we were going to do when we grew up. Now that we are in those very special parts of our lives I am hoping we could share our dreams. I love you from the bottom of my heart wish you all of the happiness in the world. I still want to be your friend and I hope you feel the same.
Love Always
Yanice Y. Carter
I poured out my heart to my old friend. There were many things that had changed about me. I just knew after pouring out my heart that I would eventually get a response. I checked my email day after day in hopes that I would receive a response. I sent a message on Facebook. In addition I sent a letter by mail, as well as an e-card and a hard card via snail mail. Days and weeks went by and I heard nothing from her. I did get very upset because she never even responded. I thought at least she could respond saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore for whatever reason. I talked about it with several people and it helped a bit. I couldn't quite understand why she didn't respond. I went over the letter again and again wondering if I left something out. As time went on I thought about it less. Although I knew that I did something to be the bigger person the issue was heavy on my heart. Then one day while I was in Church I heard a message that brought it all home. The minister talked about the noble act of forgiving. He talked about the incredible healing that takes place after an act of forgiveness occurs. He also talked about how you remain attached to someone if you do not move on from the past. Furthermore, he explained when we hold a grudge we think that we are getting back at the other person and in fact the one that we hurt the most when we do not forgive are ourselves.
After hearing this message at church I realized that God did in fact want me to forgive this person for what happened no matter who was at fault. Maybe my old friend thought she was getting back at me by not responding but that no longer mattered. I realized that it wasn’t about her reaction. This experience was about me. I was able to experience how choosing to forgive someone elevates the burden even if you choose not to continue with the relationship. This shows that we choose to be free from the past and choose not to be the victim. Forgiveness is more for ourselves and it also serves as a symbol that we are ready to let go of the pain.
Although we did not end up being friends I am happy that I reached out to my old friend. I know that I am a better person because of this experience. I am in a place in life where I can say I have moved on. I do wish things could have turned out differently but now I know that God wanted me to do this for my benefit. This act of forgiveness displayed tremendous heart and maturity on my part. I was truly ready and able to move on to the next chapter of my life because I let go of the past. I got rid of the excess baggage in my heart and was once again ready to let in a newness of life. No more living in the past I continue to push forward to new heights.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
-Ephesians 4:32
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes
After thinking back on how the friendship ended I thought that it would be mutually beneficial for us to talk. After 13 years of friendship I thought we might have something there that was salvageable. I know at times I can be a very stubborn person but this time I felt differently. We fell apart in 2006 and the thought of reaching out to her did not cross my mind until 2009. I had a dream that her mother came to me as an angel. In the dream her mother was sick. She told me how her daughter and I were the same age. She also asked me to reach out to her. In the dream she was dying and this seemed to be her last request. Me being the spiritual person I am took that as a sign. I thought that God wanted me to make the 1st move and reach out to her. After all I felt as though I was evolving to a new place in my life and I needed to bring some closure to some unresolved issues in the past. Here is the letter that I wrote her in hopes of re-kindling a friendship:
Hello Xxxxxxx
I hope you are doing well. I know this comes as a shocker receiving communication from me after all these years. I am going to be honest and say I had no idea I was going to reach out to you. I had a dream last night that caused me to re-evaluate some things in my life. Your mother came to me in my dream. It was like she was an angel of God or something. As I had that dream something spoke to my heart and told me to reach out to you. This is something that I could not ignore.
Life goes by so fast it causes one to say “what happened?” As time goes by you realize life is too short to hold on to something when you don’t even know what it is you’re holding on to. I did reach out to your mother earlier today. I had been thinking about her for months. I am not sure what kept me from calling her before but this time I was not going to let the feeling past again.
I know that it has been an extremely long time since we have talked so I know it might be difficult to even begin to know how to respond. I do understand and respect that. No matter what happens I am glad that I decided to contact you. I know that we cannot have the same type of friendship but maybe that is a good thing since we both have grown. I was wondering if we were to talk again if it would be like we don’t know each other anymore. I am not sure what will happen but I am more than willing to give it a try if you are.
Again, I know so many things have changed and we have passed many milestones but that is why I reached out to you. I am very happy I reached out to you. I really do hope you write back. I couldn’t quite remember why we weren’t talking but as I looked in my sent messages in yahoo I remembered. I was going to say that there was no need for us to say sorry or apologize but then I saw what I put in the email I sent you. Please accept my apology. I was upset and at the time about many different things (all which didn’t include you) and I took it out on the wrong people. I want to apologize for that and for any other time I might have done something to you that was on the up and up.
I think some relationships can evolve, revolve and stand the test of time. We had some great times in the past for sure. I know we cannot live in the past but I would like to extend my hand, move forward and try to a new friendship with you. Things have changed and I am a better person now. The last I knew you were a good person with a good heart. I know we had our differences but that shouldn’t matter. I don’t want to allow stubbornness to stand in the way of something wonderful. I do miss you and hope to hear from you.
I know it might be a long shot and we haven’t talked in many years but I would like to invite you to my wedding. I am getting married in April and it would be an honor to have you present. I have passed many milestones in my life and I would like you to be a part of this one. You still hold a special place in my heart and I don’t want to ignore that part of me. I remember us dreaming about all the things we were going to do when we grew up. Now that we are in those very special parts of our lives I am hoping we could share our dreams. I love you from the bottom of my heart wish you all of the happiness in the world. I still want to be your friend and I hope you feel the same.
Love Always
Yanice Y. Carter
I poured out my heart to my old friend. There were many things that had changed about me. I just knew after pouring out my heart that I would eventually get a response. I checked my email day after day in hopes that I would receive a response. I sent a message on Facebook. In addition I sent a letter by mail, as well as an e-card and a hard card via snail mail. Days and weeks went by and I heard nothing from her. I did get very upset because she never even responded. I thought at least she could respond saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore for whatever reason. I talked about it with several people and it helped a bit. I couldn't quite understand why she didn't respond. I went over the letter again and again wondering if I left something out. As time went on I thought about it less. Although I knew that I did something to be the bigger person the issue was heavy on my heart. Then one day while I was in Church I heard a message that brought it all home. The minister talked about the noble act of forgiving. He talked about the incredible healing that takes place after an act of forgiveness occurs. He also talked about how you remain attached to someone if you do not move on from the past. Furthermore, he explained when we hold a grudge we think that we are getting back at the other person and in fact the one that we hurt the most when we do not forgive are ourselves.
After hearing this message at church I realized that God did in fact want me to forgive this person for what happened no matter who was at fault. Maybe my old friend thought she was getting back at me by not responding but that no longer mattered. I realized that it wasn’t about her reaction. This experience was about me. I was able to experience how choosing to forgive someone elevates the burden even if you choose not to continue with the relationship. This shows that we choose to be free from the past and choose not to be the victim. Forgiveness is more for ourselves and it also serves as a symbol that we are ready to let go of the pain.
Although we did not end up being friends I am happy that I reached out to my old friend. I know that I am a better person because of this experience. I am in a place in life where I can say I have moved on. I do wish things could have turned out differently but now I know that God wanted me to do this for my benefit. This act of forgiveness displayed tremendous heart and maturity on my part. I was truly ready and able to move on to the next chapter of my life because I let go of the past. I got rid of the excess baggage in my heart and was once again ready to let in a newness of life. No more living in the past I continue to push forward to new heights.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
-Ephesians 4:32
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes
Choosing a Wedding Song
Choosing the song that you and your loved one will dance to may seem like an easy task but if you are trying to describe an exquisite love like no other it may take some time. How can one sum up the love of their life in a few minutes? Well patience will lead you to the prefect song. The first song that came to mind was "Love Devine" by Seal. Now that thought this was a great choice for the both of us because I love the song and so does Derrick. In addition, Seal is one of Derrick's favorite artists. We both agree and said let's choose this one.
Later that day after discussing the wedding with some co-workers one of them said how much they liked "Every Time I Close My Eyes" By Babyface. When my co-worker mentioned that song bells went off. I remembered how much I loved that song and how it does describe our love. It was perfect.
Some days passed and I started to think about the type of dance I wanted us to dance during our first song. I was thinking "Waltz All the Way" I knew that a "Southern Charm Wedding" such as ours would be perfect with a Waltz during the first dance. I later contacted my dance instructor and told her I think it was a Waltz and she said "If it is a contemporary song most likely it would be a Rumba or Fox Trot" Now don't get me wrong, I love those dances but at that moment I knew I needed to choose a Waltz song. So afterwards I googled "Waltz Songs" I saw some interesting selections. I'm Born Again, Three Time a Lady. Good songs but not quite it. I then remembered one of the movies I love "Take the Lead" In the movie there was a scene at the end where a couple danced a Waltz to "Fascination" by Nat King Cole. It was perfect. That was the song I would choose. It was sultry, elegant, and magical. It described our story simply and beautifully. Fascination became love.
So what is facination?
Fascination is the single most powerful means of persuading and influencing behavior.
Anything can become fascinating, anything at all, if it activates one of the seven triggers. Once you identify which triggers to activate, your ideas become more fascinating. So does your company’s brand, your conversations with your team, and your relationship with your spouse.
More importantly, YOU can become more fascinating, too.
No matter who you are, no matter what your personality, you’re already fascinating. Fascination comes from your own natural traits and abilities. You can become more fascinating, and in fact, if you’re interested in influencing anyone from your clients to your children, you must.
We all compete to be heard and remembered. Brands compete for loyalty. Employees compete for recognition. Parents compete against SpongeBob Squarepants for their child’s attention.
When you fascinate someone, they cease to think of anything else. You’ve connected with them in a profound and personal way. That is why this is the perfect song for us.
Later that day after discussing the wedding with some co-workers one of them said how much they liked "Every Time I Close My Eyes" By Babyface. When my co-worker mentioned that song bells went off. I remembered how much I loved that song and how it does describe our love. It was perfect.
Some days passed and I started to think about the type of dance I wanted us to dance during our first song. I was thinking "Waltz All the Way" I knew that a "Southern Charm Wedding" such as ours would be perfect with a Waltz during the first dance. I later contacted my dance instructor and told her I think it was a Waltz and she said "If it is a contemporary song most likely it would be a Rumba or Fox Trot" Now don't get me wrong, I love those dances but at that moment I knew I needed to choose a Waltz song. So afterwards I googled "Waltz Songs" I saw some interesting selections. I'm Born Again, Three Time a Lady. Good songs but not quite it. I then remembered one of the movies I love "Take the Lead" In the movie there was a scene at the end where a couple danced a Waltz to "Fascination" by Nat King Cole. It was perfect. That was the song I would choose. It was sultry, elegant, and magical. It described our story simply and beautifully. Fascination became love.
So what is facination?
Fascination is the single most powerful means of persuading and influencing behavior.
Anything can become fascinating, anything at all, if it activates one of the seven triggers. Once you identify which triggers to activate, your ideas become more fascinating. So does your company’s brand, your conversations with your team, and your relationship with your spouse.
More importantly, YOU can become more fascinating, too.
No matter who you are, no matter what your personality, you’re already fascinating. Fascination comes from your own natural traits and abilities. You can become more fascinating, and in fact, if you’re interested in influencing anyone from your clients to your children, you must.
We all compete to be heard and remembered. Brands compete for loyalty. Employees compete for recognition. Parents compete against SpongeBob Squarepants for their child’s attention.
When you fascinate someone, they cease to think of anything else. You’ve connected with them in a profound and personal way. That is why this is the perfect song for us.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
When to Trust and When to Walk Away
Life can be so challenging at times. I am not saying that as if I am owed anything or as if I expect it to be easy but when I say that I mean life can be a series of knowing “when to say when” so to speak. Allow me to elaborate further. With all of the uncertainty and disappointments that come about in life knowing when to trust can be an uncertain thing.
Most of us during our childhood years face the world blindly with no idea of all the setbacks and disappointments that will be encountered in the years to come. In those years it also seems friends are much easier to come by as well as trust for individuals.
The older we get and the more we grow the more difficult it is to put trust into anything. I am at a point in my life where I so greatly desire to share the hidden parts of myself but I often fear uncovering those parts. When I feel as though I have crossed paths with someone who wants to inquire and find out what exactly makes me Yanice. I try and wait for the right moment to proceed. I guess I struggle with knowing when the right moment is.
Over the years I have become increasingly reserved but at the same time I have a deeper longing to share myself. I believe in this world today this is something that many of us deal with therefore, that just makes me human. We all have fears, insecurities and doubt but the beautiful thing is identifying them and knowing that it is possible to work through them and continue to move forward.
Most of us during our childhood years face the world blindly with no idea of all the setbacks and disappointments that will be encountered in the years to come. In those years it also seems friends are much easier to come by as well as trust for individuals.
The older we get and the more we grow the more difficult it is to put trust into anything. I am at a point in my life where I so greatly desire to share the hidden parts of myself but I often fear uncovering those parts. When I feel as though I have crossed paths with someone who wants to inquire and find out what exactly makes me Yanice. I try and wait for the right moment to proceed. I guess I struggle with knowing when the right moment is.
Over the years I have become increasingly reserved but at the same time I have a deeper longing to share myself. I believe in this world today this is something that many of us deal with therefore, that just makes me human. We all have fears, insecurities and doubt but the beautiful thing is identifying them and knowing that it is possible to work through them and continue to move forward.
Crucifying the Old Man
I am at a point in my life where I feel very pleased with myself. Another great thing I often thing about is when I prayed a long time ago and asked that God make His desires my desires. As a result of this prayer I know that He is pleased with me as well. When I take a look back I realized just how far God has brought me. My prayers are so tremendously different than my prayers of yesteryear. I just feel like the things that I ask for now are much different. When I think back I realize how many of the things I prayed for in the past were out of selfishness. Don’t get me wrong I said my share of prayers for the growth and well-being of others but know I can honestly pray for God’s will in my life because I know it is the best for me. I can pray for things knowing that the result or outcome will not always be what I hoped and planned for. I can pray for others and their best interest even though I might not receive what I desired out of the situation. I consider those types of prayers unselfish.
When a person gets to a point where they can pray these types of prayers life seems to blossom. When your heart is changed to do God’s will and please Him the things that please you ultimately changes. We must learn that when we give unselfishly and strive to be in His will God will give us what we desire because with a changed heart our desires are what God desires for us.
Matthew6:33:33But seek ([a] aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b] His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c] taken together will be given you.
When a person gets to a point where they can pray these types of prayers life seems to blossom. When your heart is changed to do God’s will and please Him the things that please you ultimately changes. We must learn that when we give unselfishly and strive to be in His will God will give us what we desire because with a changed heart our desires are what God desires for us.
Matthew6:33:33But seek ([a] aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b] His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c] taken together will be given you.