If you're planning to get legally married, there is one thing you mustn't forget – the marriage license. A marriage license is sort of a permit, kind of like a driver's license. It says that you are legally allowed to marry, although obtaining one does not mean that you ARE married. My fiancé' and I obtained our Marriage License on March 23, 2010. This was a very joyful event for us. I believe this is the moment that makes it real for most couples. Up to this point the entire engagement and plans of the big days has left us in a somewhat surreal state. We walked up the clerk in the Probate Court of Cobb County, filled out a form for the license and paid $51.00 cash and that was it. I was thinking to myself "how easy was that...wow!" It was so easy I kind of started to wonder if there should be more required for such a huge commitment. It took us all of 10 minutes to obtain this license. The rules and requirements for obtaining a marriage license vary from state to state and from country to country but what my fiancé and did to obtain the Marriage License was a piece of cake. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not al all saying that we wanted to have a difficult time obtaining this Marriage License but I couldn’t help but to think about all the people that have obtained these permits under false pretenses. In a perfect world everyone would do everything in their power to ensure their partner is not already currently involved with another or indeed are who they say they are but looking at different occurrences we can see that this isn't always true. How many times have you heard about the bigamist who married again or the person that changed their name and was living a double life without their spouse knowing it? I am aware that a marriage does not have as many social ramifications as do a person that is driving on the road but ultimately a marriage gone sour can impact more that the two people that have entered into that covenant.
So allow me to entertain you with an idea. What if people were required to take a test similar to a driving test? For example, to obtain a drivers license in the United States one must be able to operate a vehicle safely and properly, understand all traffic signs and know the rules of the road. In addition, to get a driver's license, you must pass a written test, a sign test, a vision test, and a road test. There are also special regulations for people younger that 18 called graduated licensing regulations. So what if we were required to complete a course before marriage titled “What Every Married Person Must Know”. This could be a class that equates to pre-marital counseling. This would be a very helpful tool. Getting married without some sort of pre-marital prep is like entering a business or any other important venture without preparing. Some couples do not realize that that good, skill-based pre-marriage counseling or classes can reduce the risk of divorce by up to thirty percent and lead to a significantly happier marriage, according to marriage research. It can also reduce the stress of the pre-wedding period. Just a little effort now can make your odds a whole lot better over the long run. You want to do everything you can to ensure that your dreams of a great marriage and a great life are realized. (http://www.wedalert.com/content/articles/premarital_counseling.asp, pg.1, 2010) Like anything in life to be successful Marriage takes much planning, endurance, dedication, discipline and time. Having a successful marriage requires more than planning the wedding day.
In conclusion, the idea of adding “rules of the road” tests before a marriage certificate is not a perfect one but before marriage is entered detailed planning and preparation should take place. If there were more requirements for marriage maybe this would this cause more couples to think thoroughly about their unions as well as make detailed preparations not only for the wedding day for the marriage as a whole. During an engagement it should be the goal of the couple to grasp a better understanding of who their partners are. It’s true this cannot be done over night but is but maybe that is a good thing. Before a couple takes a walk down the isle they should study the true definition of Marriage study the “rules of the road, take a vision test, and understand all traffic signs.” Before taking on the commitment of marriage we should willingly take the journey to discover what is the safest and most effective means to our destinations. Although challenges will arise it is up to us to ensure we meet the requirements to safely transport the hearts of our significant others.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
To Post or Not to Post
It's no secret that we live in a connected society. With the new found convenience of Facebook, MySpace and Twitter we can stay in touch with those we haven’t connected with in years. These days it is difficult to find someone that doesn't belong to a social network. Social Networks have their advantages and disadvantages. Recently I have had the opportunity to re-connect with friends and family that I have not spoken to in years. In addition, I have been able to share some of my writings with many people and receive feedback that helps get me closer to my goals with the passing of each day.
The advantages of social networks are endless but with the good come the bad. With the increasing popularity of social networking sites a new level of job-related risk factors are on the table. There is now a fine line between being sociable and recognizing the chance that your employer or potential employer can access your personal thoughts, and moments of wild frivolity. As time passes and the comfort level of posting events from our lives increases be it at work or at home, we should ask our selves the question “When is enough enough?” It is wonderful to be able to express our opinions and share information with those in our networks but we must be very careful in doing so. If we do not exercise caution before posting certain events online the very medium that we use to vent and express ourselves can be the very thing that harms our reputation and kills our career.
Being cautious means watching what types of images we post as well as watching what types of information we post about our co-workers, employees/companies. More than ever before we must know when to have that line dividing our lives. We have to be conscience of what we post know where to divide our personal and professional lives.
Moreover, we should begin asking ourselves "If a past, present or potential employer were to see this information would it be harmful to my career?" Potential employers looking to fill positions frequently do internet searches to find out what type of person they have on their hands. By looking at people’s internet profiles they feel as though that are getting a candid view of a candidate without having to see through the smokescreen of a well polished interview. In addition, there are company policies that prohibit employees from making certain comments or discussing work related information on public sites. The information that we post can remain online and be referenced in the future whether we remove it or not.
Social Media can be a smoking gun. It is up to us to decide if we want it to work in our favor or work against us. There are great advantages living in a World of social media if we don’t allow Social Networks to be a pitfall. We must continually exercise caution. The virtual space may seem imaginary because we cannot stand in it or experience it on a tangible level, but it is very real and can lead us to our demise if we allow it. Everything is not meant to be shared with others.
The advantages of social networks are endless but with the good come the bad. With the increasing popularity of social networking sites a new level of job-related risk factors are on the table. There is now a fine line between being sociable and recognizing the chance that your employer or potential employer can access your personal thoughts, and moments of wild frivolity. As time passes and the comfort level of posting events from our lives increases be it at work or at home, we should ask our selves the question “When is enough enough?” It is wonderful to be able to express our opinions and share information with those in our networks but we must be very careful in doing so. If we do not exercise caution before posting certain events online the very medium that we use to vent and express ourselves can be the very thing that harms our reputation and kills our career.
Being cautious means watching what types of images we post as well as watching what types of information we post about our co-workers, employees/companies. More than ever before we must know when to have that line dividing our lives. We have to be conscience of what we post know where to divide our personal and professional lives.
Moreover, we should begin asking ourselves "If a past, present or potential employer were to see this information would it be harmful to my career?" Potential employers looking to fill positions frequently do internet searches to find out what type of person they have on their hands. By looking at people’s internet profiles they feel as though that are getting a candid view of a candidate without having to see through the smokescreen of a well polished interview. In addition, there are company policies that prohibit employees from making certain comments or discussing work related information on public sites. The information that we post can remain online and be referenced in the future whether we remove it or not.
Social Media can be a smoking gun. It is up to us to decide if we want it to work in our favor or work against us. There are great advantages living in a World of social media if we don’t allow Social Networks to be a pitfall. We must continually exercise caution. The virtual space may seem imaginary because we cannot stand in it or experience it on a tangible level, but it is very real and can lead us to our demise if we allow it. Everything is not meant to be shared with others.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Ups and Downs of Wedding Planning
A few weeks ago me and my bethrothed planned our Engagement Party. Much to our dismay we had alot more people RSVP attending then actually showed up. At the time I was very upset. Out of emotion I ended up writing a Blog on my Wedding Website about how I felt in that moment. The Blog expressed my fustration as well as my disappointment. I figured if I posted this entry on my wedding website my family, friends and aquantainces that didn't bother to show could see how angry I was and how thier behavoir affected me. At the time I was very hurt because I felt as though people's failure to RSVP was a reflection on how they felt about me. I have always believe that actions speak louder than words and the actions of the people that didn't show hurt me. I believe I felt this way because I realize how important it is to inform the host of you intentions if you plan on attending or not.
Moreover, although I have moved on from that time I did think I it was important to write about my reaction to people's failure to RSVP. I didn't realize how harsh my reaction was until I was told by 3 people very close to me. I have been told a thousand times how stressful wedding planning could be but I didn't actually feel strss until that moment hit me. Here is the letter I wrote below: (Please be advised that I realize the harness of this letter but in my defense I turned into Bridezilla at the time.....lol)
Repondez, S’il Vouz Plait
In today’s society there seems to be a constant stream of inconsideration. I am normally a very optimistic person. I am the type that sees the good in life first. With that being said you are probably wondering what caused me to write such a subject. Well allow me to tall you about a recent experience that I have encounter far too many times for me not to address it.
On December 19th, 2009 I had the opportunity to celebrate my engagement to my fiancé Derrick with an engagement party. The event was wonderful and intimate. I felt very thankful that some of my closest friends and acquaintances found the time to celebrate such a wonderful milestone with my fiancé and me. Although it was a wonderful and blessed event I found my spirit a bit troubled by the RSVP factor. Originally when I invited people to this event I felt as though these were some of the people that were closest to me. Over 35 said they would be in attendance and only 13 people showed up. I guess this is what people mean when they say you will find out who your real friends are when you plan a wedding. Now don’t get me wrong I am sure that things come up and people have legitimate reasons for not attending but what happened to common courtesy.
Today it seems as society is growing numb to the feelings of others. It was not that I didn’t have a lovely time. Indeed I did. Nothing was taken away by there being a smaller number but there was time, effort and, money involved planning for people who failed to show up. These are resources that we cannot get back and most people don’t even take the time to think about how their actions affect people.
It is about more than an RSVP. It is about considering others. I guess people don’t think about the big picture. This is not some high school party but an engagement party that. What stick out in my mind the most is that you think enough of people to invite them to a special event but they don’t think enough of you to even say that they will not be able to attend a party. A simple text message, email or phone call to inform the host of your intentions can go a very long way.
After this event I am seriously considering re-vamping the guest list. There are some invitations that I planned on sending out that I know I will not as a result of this. Why even waste a stamp on people that don’t even think enough of you to inform you of their intentions. The thing that hurts the most is when you invite family to these events and they don’t even acknowledge you or apologize for the wasted time, money and hurt feelings. I guess the ones closest to you will hurt you as well. I guess as though it would seem impolite if I were to retract some wedding invitations but it is also very impolite to respond yes to someone and then leave them hanging.
I truly wish that some people would take a course on etiquette. Some might say why you are so upset when you had a nice party? It is simply the principle. This has happened too many times and has caused me to re-evaluate those whom I communicate with on a frequent basis. “RSVP” clearly means to reply one way or the other. It does not mean reply if you feel like it or only if you are coming.
Furthermore, one should Respond in the manner that the host suggests. If a phone number is given, you may call. If a postal address is on the invitation, your reply is expected in writing. If an e-mail address is listed, head for your computer. Once you have replied, do what you said you would do. If you said you would be there, go. If you responded that you couldn’t attend, don’t decide at the last minute to go. If something comes up to prevent you from attending, let your host know as soon as possible. If you can’t do so before the event, contact the host first thing the next day to explain your absence and to apologize.
The whole purpose for “RSVP” is so the host can plan the food and venue for the right number of guests. When people fail to reply to invitations, those planning the event are at a distinct disadvantage. There is always the risk that there will be too much or not enough food. In addition, there could be money and time that are wasted planning for the inappropriate number of guests. The rule for responding to any invitation is to reply immediately, say what you will do and do what you say. Next time you may be the one planning an event and you won’t want to be left in the dark, waiting to see who shows up.
Looking back at this I do see why my loved ones said it would be in my best interest to take the blog down. I was told by my cousin that the letter "cut like salt". Even though I was hurt at the time I shouldn't have lashed out to hurt others as a result. When I put this up the first time I did so in anger. I have learned alot from my past and should know by now when we act in anger there is not a lot of good that can come from that. What I should have done is talk to the the ones closest to me and let them know exactly how I felt about them not showing up and how thier actions affected my finace and I. As far as the people I wern't as close to that didn't bother to show up, I should have went with my gut instinct and never invited them in the first place...lol. But seriously even though this is a very big day I have to move forward and forgive people for what has happened. I am not going to continue to be bitter and angry. To do so would only be hurting myself. I will not allow anger to control me. I am looking to the positive things. Only 65 days to go until I am Mrs. Derrick Douglass. I am going to focus on that. Life if good! I am not going to become Bridezilla...lol. I am going to try my best not to sin by allowing anger to control me.
Ephesians 4:26-32
26 And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you."* Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,27 for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil. 28 If you are a thief, stop stealing. Begin using your hands for honest work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you
Moreover, although I have moved on from that time I did think I it was important to write about my reaction to people's failure to RSVP. I didn't realize how harsh my reaction was until I was told by 3 people very close to me. I have been told a thousand times how stressful wedding planning could be but I didn't actually feel strss until that moment hit me. Here is the letter I wrote below: (Please be advised that I realize the harness of this letter but in my defense I turned into Bridezilla at the time.....lol)
Repondez, S’il Vouz Plait
In today’s society there seems to be a constant stream of inconsideration. I am normally a very optimistic person. I am the type that sees the good in life first. With that being said you are probably wondering what caused me to write such a subject. Well allow me to tall you about a recent experience that I have encounter far too many times for me not to address it.
On December 19th, 2009 I had the opportunity to celebrate my engagement to my fiancé Derrick with an engagement party. The event was wonderful and intimate. I felt very thankful that some of my closest friends and acquaintances found the time to celebrate such a wonderful milestone with my fiancé and me. Although it was a wonderful and blessed event I found my spirit a bit troubled by the RSVP factor. Originally when I invited people to this event I felt as though these were some of the people that were closest to me. Over 35 said they would be in attendance and only 13 people showed up. I guess this is what people mean when they say you will find out who your real friends are when you plan a wedding. Now don’t get me wrong I am sure that things come up and people have legitimate reasons for not attending but what happened to common courtesy.
Today it seems as society is growing numb to the feelings of others. It was not that I didn’t have a lovely time. Indeed I did. Nothing was taken away by there being a smaller number but there was time, effort and, money involved planning for people who failed to show up. These are resources that we cannot get back and most people don’t even take the time to think about how their actions affect people.
It is about more than an RSVP. It is about considering others. I guess people don’t think about the big picture. This is not some high school party but an engagement party that. What stick out in my mind the most is that you think enough of people to invite them to a special event but they don’t think enough of you to even say that they will not be able to attend a party. A simple text message, email or phone call to inform the host of your intentions can go a very long way.
After this event I am seriously considering re-vamping the guest list. There are some invitations that I planned on sending out that I know I will not as a result of this. Why even waste a stamp on people that don’t even think enough of you to inform you of their intentions. The thing that hurts the most is when you invite family to these events and they don’t even acknowledge you or apologize for the wasted time, money and hurt feelings. I guess the ones closest to you will hurt you as well. I guess as though it would seem impolite if I were to retract some wedding invitations but it is also very impolite to respond yes to someone and then leave them hanging.
I truly wish that some people would take a course on etiquette. Some might say why you are so upset when you had a nice party? It is simply the principle. This has happened too many times and has caused me to re-evaluate those whom I communicate with on a frequent basis. “RSVP” clearly means to reply one way or the other. It does not mean reply if you feel like it or only if you are coming.
Furthermore, one should Respond in the manner that the host suggests. If a phone number is given, you may call. If a postal address is on the invitation, your reply is expected in writing. If an e-mail address is listed, head for your computer. Once you have replied, do what you said you would do. If you said you would be there, go. If you responded that you couldn’t attend, don’t decide at the last minute to go. If something comes up to prevent you from attending, let your host know as soon as possible. If you can’t do so before the event, contact the host first thing the next day to explain your absence and to apologize.
The whole purpose for “RSVP” is so the host can plan the food and venue for the right number of guests. When people fail to reply to invitations, those planning the event are at a distinct disadvantage. There is always the risk that there will be too much or not enough food. In addition, there could be money and time that are wasted planning for the inappropriate number of guests. The rule for responding to any invitation is to reply immediately, say what you will do and do what you say. Next time you may be the one planning an event and you won’t want to be left in the dark, waiting to see who shows up.
Looking back at this I do see why my loved ones said it would be in my best interest to take the blog down. I was told by my cousin that the letter "cut like salt". Even though I was hurt at the time I shouldn't have lashed out to hurt others as a result. When I put this up the first time I did so in anger. I have learned alot from my past and should know by now when we act in anger there is not a lot of good that can come from that. What I should have done is talk to the the ones closest to me and let them know exactly how I felt about them not showing up and how thier actions affected my finace and I. As far as the people I wern't as close to that didn't bother to show up, I should have went with my gut instinct and never invited them in the first place...lol. But seriously even though this is a very big day I have to move forward and forgive people for what has happened. I am not going to continue to be bitter and angry. To do so would only be hurting myself. I will not allow anger to control me. I am looking to the positive things. Only 65 days to go until I am Mrs. Derrick Douglass. I am going to focus on that. Life if good! I am not going to become Bridezilla...lol. I am going to try my best not to sin by allowing anger to control me.
Ephesians 4:26-32
26 And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you."* Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,27 for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil. 28 If you are a thief, stop stealing. Begin using your hands for honest work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Joys Of life
As the time for my wedding approaches I get more excited with the passing of each moment. This is a major event that can be stressful at times but it is more than worth. As stress tries to overwhelm me at times I do my best to make sure I don’t lose focus on the bigger picture. I don’t want to get so caught up on who failed to RSVP that I ignore what is truly transpiring. Yesterday I started to think of how wonderful it will be to catch up with people that I haven’t seen in years. I feel so honored and blessed that the people whom I love and care for so deeply are going out of their way to support me on this joyous occasion.
I will get a chance to share my love and re-kindle relationships from years ago. I am very happy to have the support of my loved ones. There are a million other things that people could be doing on April 24th, 2010 but my beloved friends and family have chosen to spend this wonderful day with me and my betrothed. Life is good and I am in love. These are truly the moments that make life worth living.
I will get a chance to share my love and re-kindle relationships from years ago. I am very happy to have the support of my loved ones. There are a million other things that people could be doing on April 24th, 2010 but my beloved friends and family have chosen to spend this wonderful day with me and my betrothed. Life is good and I am in love. These are truly the moments that make life worth living.