Recently I graduated with my MBA. My time as a graduate student was extremely difficult. Although I did enjoy many experiences throughout my matriculation all of the moving around caused me to feel a bit unsettled. I frequently moved around because it was required if I wanted to progress in my career. I did move to obtain internships as well as my first job after the program was completed.
As I moved around there were times as though I felt I didn't truly have a home. I knew I had worked very hard while in school to purchase a home but I moved around so much that I had barley lived in the home I worked for. So how many times did I move? I will describe the moves and dates.
1) I moved from Lansing Michigan to Atlanta Georgia in June 2005 to start the MBA program in hopes to progress in my career.
2) In June 2006 I moved from Atlanta Georgia to Silver Spring Maryland to work a summer internship at Verizon
3) In September 2006 I stayed in Barcelona Spain for 3 months for a study abroad program to help me gain a competitive edge and help me to be a well rounded individual.
4) In December 2006 I returned to the United States after the Study Abroad program
5) In May 2007 I returned to Maryland for a 2nd Internship with Verizon Communications.
6) In August 2007 I moved back to Georgia. This is when I purchased my new home. I moved back from Silver Spring Maryland to Lithia Springs Georgia then after closing on my new home I moved to Marietta Georgia.
7) In August 2008 I moved from Marietta, Georgia to Ocala Florida for my new position with AT&T.
8) In June 2009 I moved from Ocala Florida back to Marietta, Georgia.
Phew......it gets me tired just thinking about all of the times that I have relocated. 8 moves in fewer than 4 years. It was a lot of work and at times was very exhausting but it was all worth it. Now my life feels that much richer since I have had these wonderful experiences. While I was going through some of these times the experiences weren't always pleasant but they did benefit me in the long run. I am happy that I had a vision and I was able to stay on the track to meeting my goals.
Currently I reside in Marietta, Georgia although I have not yet met all of my goals I am truly happy for my many blessings. The first time in a very long time I feel settled. Things are going well. I feel as though I have a home. My heart lies here. I feel as though I am part of a community. As I go from place to place it feels great to know that I am part of something intimate and exclusive. It might be church, the allergist, or the gym. It feels great when people call me by my name and realize that I am more than just a face in the crowd. They have committed me to memory and they actually care about me as a person. Through this experience of being part of a community I have actually been able to share my dreams and goals with people that are a big part of the goals that I have set previously.
"Where there is no vision, the people perish ...." (Proverbs 29:18a).
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Act of Forgiving
Have you ever reached out to someone to patch up an old relationship from the past and didn't get the desired outcome? This is something that we all have dealt with one time or another. We might be the person reaching out or the one on the other end. Just recently I decided to reach out to an old friend. It had been several years since we talked and I wanted to take the first step and reach out to her. Although it was very difficult I felt as though it was something that needed to be done for my sake.
After thinking back on how the friendship ended I thought that it would be mutually beneficial for us to talk. After 13 years of friendship I thought we might have something there that was salvageable. I know at times I can be a very stubborn person but this time I felt differently. We fell apart in 2006 and the thought of reaching out to her did not cross my mind until 2009. I had a dream that her mother came to me as an angel. In the dream her mother was sick. She told me how her daughter and I were the same age. She also asked me to reach out to her. In the dream she was dying and this seemed to be her last request. Me being the spiritual person I am took that as a sign. I thought that God wanted me to make the 1st move and reach out to her. After all I felt as though I was evolving to a new place in my life and I needed to bring some closure to some unresolved issues in the past. Here is the letter that I wrote her in hopes of re-kindling a friendship:
Hello Xxxxxxx
I hope you are doing well. I know this comes as a shocker receiving communication from me after all these years. I am going to be honest and say I had no idea I was going to reach out to you. I had a dream last night that caused me to re-evaluate some things in my life. Your mother came to me in my dream. It was like she was an angel of God or something. As I had that dream something spoke to my heart and told me to reach out to you. This is something that I could not ignore.
Life goes by so fast it causes one to say “what happened?” As time goes by you realize life is too short to hold on to something when you don’t even know what it is you’re holding on to. I did reach out to your mother earlier today. I had been thinking about her for months. I am not sure what kept me from calling her before but this time I was not going to let the feeling past again.
I know that it has been an extremely long time since we have talked so I know it might be difficult to even begin to know how to respond. I do understand and respect that. No matter what happens I am glad that I decided to contact you. I know that we cannot have the same type of friendship but maybe that is a good thing since we both have grown. I was wondering if we were to talk again if it would be like we don’t know each other anymore. I am not sure what will happen but I am more than willing to give it a try if you are.
Again, I know so many things have changed and we have passed many milestones but that is why I reached out to you. I am very happy I reached out to you. I really do hope you write back. I couldn’t quite remember why we weren’t talking but as I looked in my sent messages in yahoo I remembered. I was going to say that there was no need for us to say sorry or apologize but then I saw what I put in the email I sent you. Please accept my apology. I was upset and at the time about many different things (all which didn’t include you) and I took it out on the wrong people. I want to apologize for that and for any other time I might have done something to you that was on the up and up.
I think some relationships can evolve, revolve and stand the test of time. We had some great times in the past for sure. I know we cannot live in the past but I would like to extend my hand, move forward and try to a new friendship with you. Things have changed and I am a better person now. The last I knew you were a good person with a good heart. I know we had our differences but that shouldn’t matter. I don’t want to allow stubbornness to stand in the way of something wonderful. I do miss you and hope to hear from you.
I know it might be a long shot and we haven’t talked in many years but I would like to invite you to my wedding. I am getting married in April and it would be an honor to have you present. I have passed many milestones in my life and I would like you to be a part of this one. You still hold a special place in my heart and I don’t want to ignore that part of me. I remember us dreaming about all the things we were going to do when we grew up. Now that we are in those very special parts of our lives I am hoping we could share our dreams. I love you from the bottom of my heart wish you all of the happiness in the world. I still want to be your friend and I hope you feel the same.
Love Always
Yanice Y. Carter
I poured out my heart to my old friend. There were many things that had changed about me. I just knew after pouring out my heart that I would eventually get a response. I checked my email day after day in hopes that I would receive a response. I sent a message on Facebook. In addition I sent a letter by mail, as well as an e-card and a hard card via snail mail. Days and weeks went by and I heard nothing from her. I did get very upset because she never even responded. I thought at least she could respond saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore for whatever reason. I talked about it with several people and it helped a bit. I couldn't quite understand why she didn't respond. I went over the letter again and again wondering if I left something out. As time went on I thought about it less. Although I knew that I did something to be the bigger person the issue was heavy on my heart. Then one day while I was in Church I heard a message that brought it all home. The minister talked about the noble act of forgiving. He talked about the incredible healing that takes place after an act of forgiveness occurs. He also talked about how you remain attached to someone if you do not move on from the past. Furthermore, he explained when we hold a grudge we think that we are getting back at the other person and in fact the one that we hurt the most when we do not forgive are ourselves.
After hearing this message at church I realized that God did in fact want me to forgive this person for what happened no matter who was at fault. Maybe my old friend thought she was getting back at me by not responding but that no longer mattered. I realized that it wasn’t about her reaction. This experience was about me. I was able to experience how choosing to forgive someone elevates the burden even if you choose not to continue with the relationship. This shows that we choose to be free from the past and choose not to be the victim. Forgiveness is more for ourselves and it also serves as a symbol that we are ready to let go of the pain.
Although we did not end up being friends I am happy that I reached out to my old friend. I know that I am a better person because of this experience. I am in a place in life where I can say I have moved on. I do wish things could have turned out differently but now I know that God wanted me to do this for my benefit. This act of forgiveness displayed tremendous heart and maturity on my part. I was truly ready and able to move on to the next chapter of my life because I let go of the past. I got rid of the excess baggage in my heart and was once again ready to let in a newness of life. No more living in the past I continue to push forward to new heights.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
-Ephesians 4:32
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes
After thinking back on how the friendship ended I thought that it would be mutually beneficial for us to talk. After 13 years of friendship I thought we might have something there that was salvageable. I know at times I can be a very stubborn person but this time I felt differently. We fell apart in 2006 and the thought of reaching out to her did not cross my mind until 2009. I had a dream that her mother came to me as an angel. In the dream her mother was sick. She told me how her daughter and I were the same age. She also asked me to reach out to her. In the dream she was dying and this seemed to be her last request. Me being the spiritual person I am took that as a sign. I thought that God wanted me to make the 1st move and reach out to her. After all I felt as though I was evolving to a new place in my life and I needed to bring some closure to some unresolved issues in the past. Here is the letter that I wrote her in hopes of re-kindling a friendship:
Hello Xxxxxxx
I hope you are doing well. I know this comes as a shocker receiving communication from me after all these years. I am going to be honest and say I had no idea I was going to reach out to you. I had a dream last night that caused me to re-evaluate some things in my life. Your mother came to me in my dream. It was like she was an angel of God or something. As I had that dream something spoke to my heart and told me to reach out to you. This is something that I could not ignore.
Life goes by so fast it causes one to say “what happened?” As time goes by you realize life is too short to hold on to something when you don’t even know what it is you’re holding on to. I did reach out to your mother earlier today. I had been thinking about her for months. I am not sure what kept me from calling her before but this time I was not going to let the feeling past again.
I know that it has been an extremely long time since we have talked so I know it might be difficult to even begin to know how to respond. I do understand and respect that. No matter what happens I am glad that I decided to contact you. I know that we cannot have the same type of friendship but maybe that is a good thing since we both have grown. I was wondering if we were to talk again if it would be like we don’t know each other anymore. I am not sure what will happen but I am more than willing to give it a try if you are.
Again, I know so many things have changed and we have passed many milestones but that is why I reached out to you. I am very happy I reached out to you. I really do hope you write back. I couldn’t quite remember why we weren’t talking but as I looked in my sent messages in yahoo I remembered. I was going to say that there was no need for us to say sorry or apologize but then I saw what I put in the email I sent you. Please accept my apology. I was upset and at the time about many different things (all which didn’t include you) and I took it out on the wrong people. I want to apologize for that and for any other time I might have done something to you that was on the up and up.
I think some relationships can evolve, revolve and stand the test of time. We had some great times in the past for sure. I know we cannot live in the past but I would like to extend my hand, move forward and try to a new friendship with you. Things have changed and I am a better person now. The last I knew you were a good person with a good heart. I know we had our differences but that shouldn’t matter. I don’t want to allow stubbornness to stand in the way of something wonderful. I do miss you and hope to hear from you.
I know it might be a long shot and we haven’t talked in many years but I would like to invite you to my wedding. I am getting married in April and it would be an honor to have you present. I have passed many milestones in my life and I would like you to be a part of this one. You still hold a special place in my heart and I don’t want to ignore that part of me. I remember us dreaming about all the things we were going to do when we grew up. Now that we are in those very special parts of our lives I am hoping we could share our dreams. I love you from the bottom of my heart wish you all of the happiness in the world. I still want to be your friend and I hope you feel the same.
Love Always
Yanice Y. Carter
I poured out my heart to my old friend. There were many things that had changed about me. I just knew after pouring out my heart that I would eventually get a response. I checked my email day after day in hopes that I would receive a response. I sent a message on Facebook. In addition I sent a letter by mail, as well as an e-card and a hard card via snail mail. Days and weeks went by and I heard nothing from her. I did get very upset because she never even responded. I thought at least she could respond saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore for whatever reason. I talked about it with several people and it helped a bit. I couldn't quite understand why she didn't respond. I went over the letter again and again wondering if I left something out. As time went on I thought about it less. Although I knew that I did something to be the bigger person the issue was heavy on my heart. Then one day while I was in Church I heard a message that brought it all home. The minister talked about the noble act of forgiving. He talked about the incredible healing that takes place after an act of forgiveness occurs. He also talked about how you remain attached to someone if you do not move on from the past. Furthermore, he explained when we hold a grudge we think that we are getting back at the other person and in fact the one that we hurt the most when we do not forgive are ourselves.
After hearing this message at church I realized that God did in fact want me to forgive this person for what happened no matter who was at fault. Maybe my old friend thought she was getting back at me by not responding but that no longer mattered. I realized that it wasn’t about her reaction. This experience was about me. I was able to experience how choosing to forgive someone elevates the burden even if you choose not to continue with the relationship. This shows that we choose to be free from the past and choose not to be the victim. Forgiveness is more for ourselves and it also serves as a symbol that we are ready to let go of the pain.
Although we did not end up being friends I am happy that I reached out to my old friend. I know that I am a better person because of this experience. I am in a place in life where I can say I have moved on. I do wish things could have turned out differently but now I know that God wanted me to do this for my benefit. This act of forgiveness displayed tremendous heart and maturity on my part. I was truly ready and able to move on to the next chapter of my life because I let go of the past. I got rid of the excess baggage in my heart and was once again ready to let in a newness of life. No more living in the past I continue to push forward to new heights.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
-Ephesians 4:32
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes
Choosing a Wedding Song
Choosing the song that you and your loved one will dance to may seem like an easy task but if you are trying to describe an exquisite love like no other it may take some time. How can one sum up the love of their life in a few minutes? Well patience will lead you to the prefect song. The first song that came to mind was "Love Devine" by Seal. Now that thought this was a great choice for the both of us because I love the song and so does Derrick. In addition, Seal is one of Derrick's favorite artists. We both agree and said let's choose this one.
Later that day after discussing the wedding with some co-workers one of them said how much they liked "Every Time I Close My Eyes" By Babyface. When my co-worker mentioned that song bells went off. I remembered how much I loved that song and how it does describe our love. It was perfect.
Some days passed and I started to think about the type of dance I wanted us to dance during our first song. I was thinking "Waltz All the Way" I knew that a "Southern Charm Wedding" such as ours would be perfect with a Waltz during the first dance. I later contacted my dance instructor and told her I think it was a Waltz and she said "If it is a contemporary song most likely it would be a Rumba or Fox Trot" Now don't get me wrong, I love those dances but at that moment I knew I needed to choose a Waltz song. So afterwards I googled "Waltz Songs" I saw some interesting selections. I'm Born Again, Three Time a Lady. Good songs but not quite it. I then remembered one of the movies I love "Take the Lead" In the movie there was a scene at the end where a couple danced a Waltz to "Fascination" by Nat King Cole. It was perfect. That was the song I would choose. It was sultry, elegant, and magical. It described our story simply and beautifully. Fascination became love.
So what is facination?
Fascination is the single most powerful means of persuading and influencing behavior.
Anything can become fascinating, anything at all, if it activates one of the seven triggers. Once you identify which triggers to activate, your ideas become more fascinating. So does your company’s brand, your conversations with your team, and your relationship with your spouse.
More importantly, YOU can become more fascinating, too.
No matter who you are, no matter what your personality, you’re already fascinating. Fascination comes from your own natural traits and abilities. You can become more fascinating, and in fact, if you’re interested in influencing anyone from your clients to your children, you must.
We all compete to be heard and remembered. Brands compete for loyalty. Employees compete for recognition. Parents compete against SpongeBob Squarepants for their child’s attention.
When you fascinate someone, they cease to think of anything else. You’ve connected with them in a profound and personal way. That is why this is the perfect song for us.
Later that day after discussing the wedding with some co-workers one of them said how much they liked "Every Time I Close My Eyes" By Babyface. When my co-worker mentioned that song bells went off. I remembered how much I loved that song and how it does describe our love. It was perfect.
Some days passed and I started to think about the type of dance I wanted us to dance during our first song. I was thinking "Waltz All the Way" I knew that a "Southern Charm Wedding" such as ours would be perfect with a Waltz during the first dance. I later contacted my dance instructor and told her I think it was a Waltz and she said "If it is a contemporary song most likely it would be a Rumba or Fox Trot" Now don't get me wrong, I love those dances but at that moment I knew I needed to choose a Waltz song. So afterwards I googled "Waltz Songs" I saw some interesting selections. I'm Born Again, Three Time a Lady. Good songs but not quite it. I then remembered one of the movies I love "Take the Lead" In the movie there was a scene at the end where a couple danced a Waltz to "Fascination" by Nat King Cole. It was perfect. That was the song I would choose. It was sultry, elegant, and magical. It described our story simply and beautifully. Fascination became love.
So what is facination?
Fascination is the single most powerful means of persuading and influencing behavior.
Anything can become fascinating, anything at all, if it activates one of the seven triggers. Once you identify which triggers to activate, your ideas become more fascinating. So does your company’s brand, your conversations with your team, and your relationship with your spouse.
More importantly, YOU can become more fascinating, too.
No matter who you are, no matter what your personality, you’re already fascinating. Fascination comes from your own natural traits and abilities. You can become more fascinating, and in fact, if you’re interested in influencing anyone from your clients to your children, you must.
We all compete to be heard and remembered. Brands compete for loyalty. Employees compete for recognition. Parents compete against SpongeBob Squarepants for their child’s attention.
When you fascinate someone, they cease to think of anything else. You’ve connected with them in a profound and personal way. That is why this is the perfect song for us.