How do you know when to release something that you have outgrown? This can be a tough question to answer especially if you have grown comfortable with that thing no matter what it may be. This thing can be a place, outfit, television show or relationship. The list goes on and own. When I reflect back I can recall holding on to things that did not benefit me. I must have asked myself a million times "Is this really good for me? What I am getting out of this when I can no longer be me while holding on to this?
One of the things I recently had to let go was a friendship. There was a person that I was friends with for many years. We had great times together. There were also times throughout our friendship when we might have lost touch for different reasons but later crossed paths again. In the beginning the friendship was typical of most pre-teen friendships. We liked watching television and talking about how we were totally in love with the people in Hollywood. So what happens when MTV and Bubble Gum Music is no longer enough to sustain a friendship? Time started to march on I started to see how vastly different we were. Now don't get me wrong I do believe you can be friends with someone from a different background but the beauty of that is admitting your differences and then moving forward despite of.
I started to be agreeable on many things just to avoid arguments. We had differences from A-Z. Sometimes this person would bash certain opinions and things that I embraced and I didn't disagree. I thought that it was OK just to sit back and not share what I thought. I figured as long as I didn't say anything about the the subject at hand I wasn't lying but in fact I was. I was lying to myself for thinking that I could continue something that was not true.
As time went on I realized I was gaining so many new experiences and memories and the only thing that we could really talk about openly were our past experiences. Teeny bopper music and MTV just wasn't cutting anymore. Now don't get me wrong it was really great to reminisce but I felt as though we were not growing together as friends. Our lifestyles were totally different. The more time passed, the less me I shared with them. I had to admit to myself the friendship was not growing. Everything else about me seemed to be excelling but I felt I was 13 years old in this friendship. I knew that I was not being true to myself or the other person if I did not end this friendship.
Over and over I asked myself why should I stop being their friend if it is not hurting me? We were not arguing and we seemed to be on pretty good terms. But the problem with continuing in this type of situation is that is that it will cause drama and can cause emotional scars if it is left lingering. I allowed to to get to a point where it did end on bad terms. The time came when I did need a friend. I was going through some very challenging times and decided to share some personal things with this person. After sharing those things I really regretted my decision. After that feeling of regret crossed my mind I said to myself "If I cannot be 100% me than why do I continue with this?" Harsh words were exchanged between us several times before I finally decided to end the friendship. I made a difficult decision but I know it was the best for me. To this very day I still think about this friendship but I could not continue to be in something was was not fruitful. I am not angry at that person and of course I still care about them but I do know I am better being 100% Yanice. I shouldn't alter or change that for anyone. Especially the people that are closest to me.
Is it a ad thing when you outgrow your friends? Well of course not. Life is soemthing that should be coanstly evolving. It is part of the lifecycle. It is a reality that as we grow and change so do the people in our lifes. It is ok to admit differences and move forward with that still holding a special place in your heart for that person. Although letting go of the past can be painful you have a right to surround yourself with those who understand you and the person you have grown to be.
So I think we all have to do spring cleaning at one time or another. Look into your closet. Take inventory. As you explore the closet called life ask yourself is this outfit flattering, is it too big for me? Have I outgrown it. Will I work on fitting it again one day? Do I plan on wearing this?. After answering these questions for yourself you will then know what to throw away and what to keep.
