Phew! Well, where should I start? I went on my first date since I have been in the DC area. It was kind of weird. I am going to be honest though. I tried my hand on an Internet date. (BIG MISTAKE!) I should have known not to go when he starts out by telling me “I am at work now and I left my check at home but I do have 50 dollars and a full tank of gas”. (Hmmmmm…now come on!) Who tells their date that kind of stuff, and who leaves their check at home? Not to mention in this day and age of direct deposit how many people actually get a check? But anyways, I met him in a public place. I asked my girl to go with me but she had plans. Why does it seem that every male that I meet from a dating site seem to have a severe emotional problem? But anyway, when I first saw him from a distance I thought, "he's very attractive", then he smiled. (My Gosh!!) His teeth were looking crazy. Is that shallow? I wonder if I am just looking for something to be wrong with these guys? We ended up going to the movies first and I was kind of happy about that because I didn't have to talk much. He wanted to hold my hand from jump and thought that was a bit too much. I can sense that he has been searching very hard to find someone. He almost seemed somewhat desperate. I didn't like that. Well, we walked towards the theater and he just grabs my hand. Mistake #1. Give me a chance to decide if I even want to hold your hand. Then after we get in the movies he walks right past the concession stand as if it does not exist! Mistake #2. (I always get Nachos when I go to the movies!!!) He didn't ask me if I wanted something until we reach the door of where our movie was playing. By then it was too late. I was already pissed. So were sitting in the movies and I swear I smell smoke on his breath. I kindly ask him if he smokes cigarettes and he says no. Mistake #3. I am an ex-smoker. Therefore I know when I smell smoke on someone's breath. So he obviously lied on his profile and in my face. I mean at least if he was honest about it I might consider seeing him again. (Well.... maybe not) After asking that question my proceeded by saying I cannot date a smoker because I used to smoke and quit 1 year ago. I don't want to risk starting again. So he grabs my hand and asks me what I was thinking. So I kindly tell him "That I don't want to hold hands". I hope that wasn't too harsh. I didn't want to hold his hand. I didn't know him like that. As I sat there I started to wonder if I was coming off as a cold and emotionless woman. I knew the answer to that was yes. I am so detached now. I guess I credit it to my field of study. I have been groomed to put up a huge wall. The MBA program has made me into a different species. I am bold upfront, and at times cutthroat. (HMMMM). But anyways, I managed to get through the movie and even decide to give him a second chance and make some conversation. We talk about our dreams, goals, and singleness. Then I notice he manages to keep bringing up women from the past. It was so annoying. Then he asks me if I would be willing to give up going to Spain for a man. I quickly answer NO"! Then he has the nerve to tell me "that’s why I am still single" I quickly let him know; I am single because I choose to be. I have not met the right person I refuse to give up something I worked so hard for. I also let him know if the right person were to come along. It would fall into place. The man for me is going to encourage my growth and not ask me to give up my dreams. If I feel he was worth it, of course I would sacrifice and compromise, but that person has not come along. I hate the way he said well black woman that think like me make plans and see themselves single as they reach their goals and that is why we look up, and before we know it we are 50 and still single. I just feel like this, why should I change my hopes, dreams and goals for a man just for it not to work out. I have done things like that before and ended up disappointed. I am not going to have that happen again. I am realistic. I do not want to resent the man I end up with because I didn't live my life and gave up my dreams. I think when the right person comes along we can build and accomplish things together. It is not about giving up dreams but it is about sharing them, reaching then and building a life together. So I will continue to seek God's will for my life. I believe God knows what I truly want and need. And when I get the one he sent me I won't have those recurring thoughts in my head saying "Dang, am I supposed to feel this way? How do I get rid of him? Should I see a sign? Why do I feel weird? Should I take off while he is in the bathroom? It will feel right. One day I know it will feel right.
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