Have you ever reached out to someone to patch up an old relationship from the past and didn't get the desired outcome? This is something that we all have dealt with one time or another. We might be the person reaching out or the one on the other end. Just recently I decided to reach out to an old friend. It had been several years since we talked and I wanted to take the first step and reach out to her. Although it was very difficult I felt as though it was something that needed to be done for my sake.
After thinking back on how the friendship ended I thought that it would be mutually beneficial for us to talk. After 13 years of friendship I thought we might have something there that was salvageable. I know at times I can be a very stubborn person but this time I felt differently. We fell apart in 2006 and the thought of reaching out to her did not cross my mind until 2009. I had a dream that her mother came to me as an angel. In the dream her mother was sick. She told me how her daughter and I were the same age. She also asked me to reach out to her. In the dream she was dying and this seemed to be her last request. Me being the spiritual person I am took that as a sign. I thought that God wanted me to make the 1st move and reach out to her. After all I felt as though I was evolving to a new place in my life and I needed to bring some closure to some unresolved issues in the past. Here is the letter that I wrote her in hopes of re-kindling a friendship:
Hello Xxxxxxx
I hope you are doing well. I know this comes as a shocker receiving communication from me after all these years. I am going to be honest and say I had no idea I was going to reach out to you. I had a dream last night that caused me to re-evaluate some things in my life. Your mother came to me in my dream. It was like she was an angel of God or something. As I had that dream something spoke to my heart and told me to reach out to you. This is something that I could not ignore.
Life goes by so fast it causes one to say “what happened?” As time goes by you realize life is too short to hold on to something when you don’t even know what it is you’re holding on to. I did reach out to your mother earlier today. I had been thinking about her for months. I am not sure what kept me from calling her before but this time I was not going to let the feeling past again.
I know that it has been an extremely long time since we have talked so I know it might be difficult to even begin to know how to respond. I do understand and respect that. No matter what happens I am glad that I decided to contact you. I know that we cannot have the same type of friendship but maybe that is a good thing since we both have grown. I was wondering if we were to talk again if it would be like we don’t know each other anymore. I am not sure what will happen but I am more than willing to give it a try if you are.
Again, I know so many things have changed and we have passed many milestones but that is why I reached out to you. I am very happy I reached out to you. I really do hope you write back. I couldn’t quite remember why we weren’t talking but as I looked in my sent messages in yahoo I remembered. I was going to say that there was no need for us to say sorry or apologize but then I saw what I put in the email I sent you. Please accept my apology. I was upset and at the time about many different things (all which didn’t include you) and I took it out on the wrong people. I want to apologize for that and for any other time I might have done something to you that was on the up and up.
I think some relationships can evolve, revolve and stand the test of time. We had some great times in the past for sure. I know we cannot live in the past but I would like to extend my hand, move forward and try to a new friendship with you. Things have changed and I am a better person now. The last I knew you were a good person with a good heart. I know we had our differences but that shouldn’t matter. I don’t want to allow stubbornness to stand in the way of something wonderful. I do miss you and hope to hear from you.
I know it might be a long shot and we haven’t talked in many years but I would like to invite you to my wedding. I am getting married in April and it would be an honor to have you present. I have passed many milestones in my life and I would like you to be a part of this one. You still hold a special place in my heart and I don’t want to ignore that part of me. I remember us dreaming about all the things we were going to do when we grew up. Now that we are in those very special parts of our lives I am hoping we could share our dreams. I love you from the bottom of my heart wish you all of the happiness in the world. I still want to be your friend and I hope you feel the same.
Love Always
Yanice Y. Carter
I poured out my heart to my old friend. There were many things that had changed about me. I just knew after pouring out my heart that I would eventually get a response. I checked my email day after day in hopes that I would receive a response. I sent a message on Facebook. In addition I sent a letter by mail, as well as an e-card and a hard card via snail mail. Days and weeks went by and I heard nothing from her. I did get very upset because she never even responded. I thought at least she could respond saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore for whatever reason. I talked about it with several people and it helped a bit. I couldn't quite understand why she didn't respond. I went over the letter again and again wondering if I left something out. As time went on I thought about it less. Although I knew that I did something to be the bigger person the issue was heavy on my heart. Then one day while I was in Church I heard a message that brought it all home. The minister talked about the noble act of forgiving. He talked about the incredible healing that takes place after an act of forgiveness occurs. He also talked about how you remain attached to someone if you do not move on from the past. Furthermore, he explained when we hold a grudge we think that we are getting back at the other person and in fact the one that we hurt the most when we do not forgive are ourselves.
After hearing this message at church I realized that God did in fact want me to forgive this person for what happened no matter who was at fault. Maybe my old friend thought she was getting back at me by not responding but that no longer mattered. I realized that it wasn’t about her reaction. This experience was about me. I was able to experience how choosing to forgive someone elevates the burden even if you choose not to continue with the relationship. This shows that we choose to be free from the past and choose not to be the victim. Forgiveness is more for ourselves and it also serves as a symbol that we are ready to let go of the pain.
Although we did not end up being friends I am happy that I reached out to my old friend. I know that I am a better person because of this experience. I am in a place in life where I can say I have moved on. I do wish things could have turned out differently but now I know that God wanted me to do this for my benefit. This act of forgiveness displayed tremendous heart and maturity on my part. I was truly ready and able to move on to the next chapter of my life because I let go of the past. I got rid of the excess baggage in my heart and was once again ready to let in a newness of life. No more living in the past I continue to push forward to new heights.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
-Ephesians 4:32
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes
After thinking back on how the friendship ended I thought that it would be mutually beneficial for us to talk. After 13 years of friendship I thought we might have something there that was salvageable. I know at times I can be a very stubborn person but this time I felt differently. We fell apart in 2006 and the thought of reaching out to her did not cross my mind until 2009. I had a dream that her mother came to me as an angel. In the dream her mother was sick. She told me how her daughter and I were the same age. She also asked me to reach out to her. In the dream she was dying and this seemed to be her last request. Me being the spiritual person I am took that as a sign. I thought that God wanted me to make the 1st move and reach out to her. After all I felt as though I was evolving to a new place in my life and I needed to bring some closure to some unresolved issues in the past. Here is the letter that I wrote her in hopes of re-kindling a friendship:
Hello Xxxxxxx
I hope you are doing well. I know this comes as a shocker receiving communication from me after all these years. I am going to be honest and say I had no idea I was going to reach out to you. I had a dream last night that caused me to re-evaluate some things in my life. Your mother came to me in my dream. It was like she was an angel of God or something. As I had that dream something spoke to my heart and told me to reach out to you. This is something that I could not ignore.
Life goes by so fast it causes one to say “what happened?” As time goes by you realize life is too short to hold on to something when you don’t even know what it is you’re holding on to. I did reach out to your mother earlier today. I had been thinking about her for months. I am not sure what kept me from calling her before but this time I was not going to let the feeling past again.
I know that it has been an extremely long time since we have talked so I know it might be difficult to even begin to know how to respond. I do understand and respect that. No matter what happens I am glad that I decided to contact you. I know that we cannot have the same type of friendship but maybe that is a good thing since we both have grown. I was wondering if we were to talk again if it would be like we don’t know each other anymore. I am not sure what will happen but I am more than willing to give it a try if you are.
Again, I know so many things have changed and we have passed many milestones but that is why I reached out to you. I am very happy I reached out to you. I really do hope you write back. I couldn’t quite remember why we weren’t talking but as I looked in my sent messages in yahoo I remembered. I was going to say that there was no need for us to say sorry or apologize but then I saw what I put in the email I sent you. Please accept my apology. I was upset and at the time about many different things (all which didn’t include you) and I took it out on the wrong people. I want to apologize for that and for any other time I might have done something to you that was on the up and up.
I think some relationships can evolve, revolve and stand the test of time. We had some great times in the past for sure. I know we cannot live in the past but I would like to extend my hand, move forward and try to a new friendship with you. Things have changed and I am a better person now. The last I knew you were a good person with a good heart. I know we had our differences but that shouldn’t matter. I don’t want to allow stubbornness to stand in the way of something wonderful. I do miss you and hope to hear from you.
I know it might be a long shot and we haven’t talked in many years but I would like to invite you to my wedding. I am getting married in April and it would be an honor to have you present. I have passed many milestones in my life and I would like you to be a part of this one. You still hold a special place in my heart and I don’t want to ignore that part of me. I remember us dreaming about all the things we were going to do when we grew up. Now that we are in those very special parts of our lives I am hoping we could share our dreams. I love you from the bottom of my heart wish you all of the happiness in the world. I still want to be your friend and I hope you feel the same.
Love Always
Yanice Y. Carter
I poured out my heart to my old friend. There were many things that had changed about me. I just knew after pouring out my heart that I would eventually get a response. I checked my email day after day in hopes that I would receive a response. I sent a message on Facebook. In addition I sent a letter by mail, as well as an e-card and a hard card via snail mail. Days and weeks went by and I heard nothing from her. I did get very upset because she never even responded. I thought at least she could respond saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore for whatever reason. I talked about it with several people and it helped a bit. I couldn't quite understand why she didn't respond. I went over the letter again and again wondering if I left something out. As time went on I thought about it less. Although I knew that I did something to be the bigger person the issue was heavy on my heart. Then one day while I was in Church I heard a message that brought it all home. The minister talked about the noble act of forgiving. He talked about the incredible healing that takes place after an act of forgiveness occurs. He also talked about how you remain attached to someone if you do not move on from the past. Furthermore, he explained when we hold a grudge we think that we are getting back at the other person and in fact the one that we hurt the most when we do not forgive are ourselves.
After hearing this message at church I realized that God did in fact want me to forgive this person for what happened no matter who was at fault. Maybe my old friend thought she was getting back at me by not responding but that no longer mattered. I realized that it wasn’t about her reaction. This experience was about me. I was able to experience how choosing to forgive someone elevates the burden even if you choose not to continue with the relationship. This shows that we choose to be free from the past and choose not to be the victim. Forgiveness is more for ourselves and it also serves as a symbol that we are ready to let go of the pain.
Although we did not end up being friends I am happy that I reached out to my old friend. I know that I am a better person because of this experience. I am in a place in life where I can say I have moved on. I do wish things could have turned out differently but now I know that God wanted me to do this for my benefit. This act of forgiveness displayed tremendous heart and maturity on my part. I was truly ready and able to move on to the next chapter of my life because I let go of the past. I got rid of the excess baggage in my heart and was once again ready to let in a newness of life. No more living in the past I continue to push forward to new heights.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
-Ephesians 4:32
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes
1 comment:
Wow, that was a nice blog. I guess god really does work in mysterious ways. It is so funny that I am reading this. Just this week, three seperate pass special friends reached out to me. I have not dealt with any of them in over three years and I decided to check my "work" facebook, and there in my inbox lies 5 messages. Three of the five was very significant. The first was a old love that did me so dirty, my whole attitude toward men changed. the second was a pass crush whom I revelaed interest in and was given "grown man" truth-'he was currently dating someone else, but did not want to loose me as a pospect [basically in so many words]. Lastly, my female best friend in high school. One day she just stopped liking me for no reason at all. i don't know why. She remained friends with all my other friends, but kind of decided to stay distant from me.
Well, the heart-breaker begged that I meet him to talk. The crush also requested a "sit-down" . And my ex best friend asked me to give her a call.
I turned down both of the guys. I called my friend girl. The conversation was long and sort of stale [to me]. I told her that I would stop by and see her. But honestly, I really don't want to use my gas for that 10 miles. I mean, I am super straight on her.
The question is, "have I really forgiven these people?"
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