The Ups and Downs of Wedding Planning

A few weeks ago me and my bethrothed planned our Engagement Party. Much to our dismay we had alot more people RSVP attending then actually showed up. At the time I was very upset. Out of emotion I ended up writing a Blog on my Wedding Website about how I felt in that moment. The Blog expressed my fustration as well as my disappointment. I figured if I posted this entry on my wedding website my family, friends and aquantainces that didn't bother to show could see how angry I was and how thier behavoir affected me. At the time I was very hurt because I felt as though people's failure to RSVP was a reflection on how they felt about me. I have always believe that actions speak louder than words and the actions of the people that didn't show hurt me. I believe I felt this way because I realize how important it is to inform the host of you intentions if you plan on attending or not.


Moreover, although I have moved on from that time I did think I it was important to write about my reaction to people's failure to RSVP. I didn't realize how harsh my reaction was until I was told by 3 people very close to me. I have been told a thousand times how stressful wedding planning could be but I didn't actually feel strss until that moment hit me. Here is the letter I wrote below: (Please be advised that I realize the harness of this letter but in my defense I turned into Bridezilla at the time.....lol)





Repondez, S’il Vouz Plait

In today’s society there seems to be a constant stream of inconsideration. I am normally a very optimistic person. I am the type that sees the good in life first. With that being said you are probably wondering what caused me to write such a subject. Well allow me to tall you about a recent experience that I have encounter far too many times for me not to address it.


On December 19th, 2009 I had the opportunity to celebrate my engagement to my fiancé Derrick with an engagement party. The event was wonderful and intimate. I felt very thankful that some of my closest friends and acquaintances found the time to celebrate such a wonderful milestone with my fiancé and me. Although it was a wonderful and blessed event I found my spirit a bit troubled by the RSVP factor. Originally when I invited people to this event I felt as though these were some of the people that were closest to me. Over 35 said they would be in attendance and only 13 people showed up. I guess this is what people mean when they say you will find out who your real friends are when you plan a wedding. Now don’t get me wrong I am sure that things come up and people have legitimate reasons for not attending but what happened to common courtesy.


Today it seems as society is growing numb to the feelings of others. It was not that I didn’t have a lovely time. Indeed I did. Nothing was taken away by there being a smaller number but there was time, effort and, money involved planning for people who failed to show up. These are resources that we cannot get back and most people don’t even take the time to think about how their actions affect people.


It is about more than an RSVP. It is about considering others. I guess people don’t think about the big picture. This is not some high school party but an engagement party that. What stick out in my mind the most is that you think enough of people to invite them to a special event but they don’t think enough of you to even say that they will not be able to attend a party. A simple text message, email or phone call to inform the host of your intentions can go a very long way.


After this event I am seriously considering re-vamping the guest list. There are some invitations that I planned on sending out that I know I will not as a result of this. Why even waste a stamp on people that don’t even think enough of you to inform you of their intentions. The thing that hurts the most is when you invite family to these events and they don’t even acknowledge you or apologize for the wasted time, money and hurt feelings. I guess the ones closest to you will hurt you as well. I guess as though it would seem impolite if I were to retract some wedding invitations but it is also very impolite to respond yes to someone and then leave them hanging.


I truly wish that some people would take a course on etiquette. Some might say why you are so upset when you had a nice party? It is simply the principle. This has happened too many times and has caused me to re-evaluate those whom I communicate with on a frequent basis. “RSVP” clearly means to reply one way or the other. It does not mean reply if you feel like it or only if you are coming.


Furthermore, one should Respond in the manner that the host suggests. If a phone number is given, you may call. If a postal address is on the invitation, your reply is expected in writing. If an e-mail address is listed, head for your computer. Once you have replied, do what you said you would do. If you said you would be there, go. If you responded that you couldn’t attend, don’t decide at the last minute to go. If something comes up to prevent you from attending, let your host know as soon as possible. If you can’t do so before the event, contact the host first thing the next day to explain your absence and to apologize.


The whole purpose for “RSVP” is so the host can plan the food and venue for the right number of guests. When people fail to reply to invitations, those planning the event are at a distinct disadvantage. There is always the risk that there will be too much or not enough food. In addition, there could be money and time that are wasted planning for the inappropriate number of guests. The rule for responding to any invitation is to reply immediately, say what you will do and do what you say. Next time you may be the one planning an event and you won’t want to be left in the dark, waiting to see who shows up.


Looking back at this I do see why my loved ones said it would be in my best interest to take the blog down. I was told by my cousin that the letter "cut like salt". Even though I was hurt at the time I shouldn't have lashed out to hurt others as a result. When I put this up the first time I did so in anger. I have learned alot from my past and should know by now when we act in anger there is not a lot of good that can come from that. What I should have done is talk to the the ones closest to me and let them know exactly how I felt about them not showing up and how thier actions affected my finace and I. As far as the people I wern't as close to that didn't bother to show up, I should have went with my gut instinct and never invited them in the first place...lol. But seriously even though this is a very big day I have to move forward and forgive people for what has happened. I am not going to continue to be bitter and angry. To do so would only be hurting myself. I will not allow anger to control me. I am looking to the positive things.  Only 65 days to go until I am Mrs. Derrick Douglass. I am going to focus on that. Life if good! I am not going to become Bridezilla...lol. I am going to try my best not to sin by allowing anger to control me.

Ephesians 4:26-32
26 And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you."* Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,27 for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil. 28 If you are a thief, stop stealing. Begin using your hands for honest work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you